Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Hope

insomnia's getting to my head again. its 7am and im still up. perhaps that's why im getting migraine, and an appt with a bloody neurologist insisted by my mom. im supposed to be sick and lethargic but i juz cant seem to fall asleep. hmm 2003's nearly over, somehow i feel that this year was a very mixed year for me. lotsa ups and downs. ups like taking part in shooting comp and getting a decent placing like 4th, and downs like busting my knee while playing football. ah my knee. constant annoyance for me. i cant even crouch to tie my shoelace without feeling pain in the ligament. i can forget about flying into 50-50 tackles like i used to. if i did now i'll prolly rupture the whole ligament. i miss football so much i can even dream about it =/ the satisfaction u feel when u make a good tackle, pass or run, the feeling in ur foot as u strike the ball, and the pure joy u experience when u see the ball slam into the net. wonderful feeling it is. yet so distant for me. still waiting for my knee to heal, juz like how im waiting for some hidden hope to materialise. i find that im a very hopeful person. i leave alot to fate, and i simply hope for the best. too often than not i neglect to do anything to achieve a result that i want, i simply leave it to hope. i remember this quote a teacher once gave me, to inspire me and drag me back up from the depths i've fallen into. "Never give up when the storms of life are raging, for where's there's life, there's always hope" encouraging it is, but i find that im very adverse to words like this when im depressed, which is often nowadays. still plagued by the same old problems. sometimes i surprise myself with the things i do. crazy shit u may say. pointless, dumb, and absolutely mad. maybe i shouldn't write this here, but oh well, wad the heck. ever seen a guy who waits for a girl at the airport for 5 hours? and all he says is 'merry christmas" and he leaves soon after that. why? some may ask, why didn't he say more? and why did the girl not ask him to stay, for he's waited for so long? but what some do not know, is that he had lots to say to her, words from his heart, words that he means with all his heart, and words he hopes will touch her heart. but he remained silent, for he knew from what he saw, that perhaps, whatever he said, would have been in vain. and what she didn't know then, was how long he's waited, and how he yearns now for time to turn back, so he can tell her all that was in his heart that evening, irregardless of the consequences. but it will not be so, for time and tide waits for no man. but still he's hoping against hope, that somehow, some opportunity may arise that he can tell her, without fear or nerves, all that is in his heart, that how much she's come to mean to him, and how much he missed her while she was away, and how much he misses her even now when she's back. will it be? with hope in his heart he will wait, and with hope perhaps it may well be.

Stay still, be quiet, and listen to your heart. When it finally speaks, get up, and go where it takes you.