Saturday, January 31, 2004

You
Listening: Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had

hey you, u know who u are. yes u. i still remember i didn't say anything the night u cleared things up with me, other than "orh", or "uh huh". so i suppose u think that everything's over and done with, since i didn't say anything then. well damn wrong u are, the only reason i kept quiet was that i didn't wanna say anything that might end up screwing our friendship up. but since i think that our friendship's already pretty screwed-up, so to hell with it. im thrashing everything out here. i dun give a damn now about anything anyway. u said u were sorry. were u really? if u were why didn't u come clear up everything when u first knew? why did u have to wait for charlene to tell u to come talk to me? in ur own words u said,"i just want to get this out, i promised lene i would." does that mean that if lene hadn't talked to u and made u talk to me, u would have let things be? and just kept me wondering? are u really that irresponsible? u said u behave the same way to every guy friend of urs. was i supposed to know? u said u were sorry for any wrong idea u may have given me. were u? i sure hope u are, lest u hurt someone again. u crave attention, dun deny it. u know it urself, and when guys fall for u, u back off and say u were just being nice and friendly and apologise for giving wrong ideas. does it help? does apologising help at all? hell no it doesn't. it still hurts. the pain's still there. and the disappointment, the disappointment from knowing that u only made an effort to clear up this mess after ur best friend made u do it. u said we should just remain friends. and guess what i found. i find my blog's add removed from ur links, under "friends". im telling u now, i wont be surprised if im deleted from ur icq/msn/friendster or whatever. who or what am i to u? am i really a friend? or am i just someone u come to when u need help? or when u need a listening ear? or when u are just simply bored? when u dun need me, do i exist in ur eyes at all? im just shunted aside when im not needed. is that ur idea of a friend? hey, i have feelings too. i hurt too. im not just some fucking toy that u can throw aside when u are tired of it. im only human, so please, stop pretending that nothing's happened and expect me to do the same as well. u can, i fucking cant do it. damn u.