Tuesday, April 17, 2007

i wake up some mornings with fear in my heart. real fear that in my deep slumber the world i wake up to would be missing everything that matters to me. how i really hate those little surreal wedges of death at times.

we're all afraid of losing what we have. but me? i'm absolutely terrified of losing what i don't possess. its ironic isn't it? sometimes i rest easy in the assurance that its still around, but there're times it seems like everything's slipping away like sand between my fingers.

there's a void in me that yearns, yet struggles to be filled. there're times i do wonder if its a want or need, but i always simply tell myself there's no answer cause thats just the way things are in this world. and in that moment i feel just that bit better, satisfied at deceiving myself and hiding the reality again.

its scary when the truth hits. the usual cloud of uncertainty simply engulfing everything and blotting out any semblance of a lucid explanation. to forge ahead in a fog of ambiguities is hard enough, throw in an enigma that's getting increasingly harder to comprehend and its complete mental pandemonium for me.

i'm really losing myself in this labyrinth of ambivalence.